Renesmee's diary
by Its-Keanna-Babe
Summary: Doesn't completely match the Breaking Dawn book. Takes place date of birth, and her talents a weeny bit different.
1. Chapter 1

Renesmee Cullen's Diary

September 10

Life feels good. The air, the smells, and the sounds- the urge to smile... it's so unusual. I can feel arms around me. Slowly, I focus on the thing that's clutching me. I almost gasp when I look at it- it's a beautiful man, with messy coppery hair, dark eyes, almost black, a perfectly straight nose, and a face so pale it was white. As he looked into my eyes a strange look came over his face. A look I would describe as- well loving. Protective, and a little proud. "Let me... give her to me," a woman huskily whispers. The man smiles, baring his perfect teeth, and I'm moving. He passes me to the woman I instantly recognize, a person covered in blood, bruised up and rough looking, but I know who she is. I store the image away in my mind, and smile at her. "Renesmee," she whispers. "So beautiful." I wonder who this Renesmee is. Mhmm, she smells nice, this lady. Before I know what I'm doing, I've leant over and bitten her soft skin, and she's screaming. I'm confused. Then I feel something snatching me away from her and I growl- I don't want to leave this woman. "No, Renesmee," the beautiful man says to me. He doesn't say it in a scolding way though, almost as if he cares for me too much too be too hard on me. I've realised, though, that what I've done is wrong. I know this because the room is in an upheaval and I've been taken away by a blonde lady who's cooing at me.

"Its okay, Edward, I've got it under control," she promises the man, and he nods reluctantly and she takes me away.

She runs down the stairs so fast wind whips my face, then she takes me into a pale room, and settles down on a blood covered sofa. I'm curious about this, but I don't do anything about it.

"It'll be okay," this woman whispers to me. "I'll look after you. I'll be your mum. Finally, you're here." She smiles. "Renesmee. I've waited so long for this, you can't understand. I'd do anything, _anything _for you."

Just as I'm trying to figure what she's talking about, a man storms in, anger apparent on his face. I squirm away from Blondie to look at him properly, and gasp. His big eyebrows are pinching together, his mouth in a thin line, as if determined about something. His brownish reddish skin is flaming, and he's shaking. He comes closer to me, hostility radiating out of him, and then- he stops. He visibly calms down, and a strange peaceful look comes over him, a look just like the one the copper haired man gave me. A look of love.

I smile and reach for him. I feel as if I know him, as if I could tell him anything, that he will love me.

He smiles and reaches for me, but then Blondie hisses, growls and tugs me away.

"Get away, dog," she snarls at him. "I won't let you touch her."

He doesn't take that too calmly. He yells, "I wouldn't hurt her! Can't you see?? Can't you tell what's happened?"

"Yes, and it's disgusting! She's an hour old! If Bella was here..."

"But she's not. Renesmee is... and... I love her. I can't help who I imprint on- it just happens."

"You stay away from her!"

He snatches me away, this man, and cradles me close. He stares into my eyes and hugs me closer. "Renesmee," he breathes. "Beautiful."

And then everything erupts. Suddenly a short and skinny woman with short hair, a man with superstar looks and honey blonde hair, another blonde man who looks slightly older, a caramel hair coloured lady who's beaming, and a muscular dark haired man, and the copper haired man are all surrounding me.

"What are you doing?" growls the short and skinny girl. "Why can't I see anything?"

"Why are you touching her?"

"Let go!"

"Don't hurt her!"

"Wait." Says the copper haired man.


	2. Chapter 2

"What is it, Edward?" asks the older blonde man.

Edward growls. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he yells at the man holding me. "Why her? Why my daughter?"

"I'm sorry... I couldn't control it... I don't mean her any harm," says the man.

Everything goes quiet, as the other people in the room seem to realise something.

"Is it that thing, Edward- that imprinting stuff?" asks the muscular man.

Edward barely moves his frozen state to answer through his teeth, "The _dog_ has imprinted on our daughter, yes, Emmett."

I have to do something. Emmett is looking at me with love, at the man with anger. Edward's actually stepping towards us, furious. Without thinking a slap my hand against Edward's head, thinking "Don't hurt him."

Edward gasps as though he's been electrocuted, and says to me- "did you do that?"

I get the instinct to nod my head, so I do.

Everybody is staring at me now, wanting to hold me. Edward is explaining what I did to everybody, and their gasping, and I'm getting crowded, and stared at and patted. I place my hand on the dark boy's neck, and think "Make them stop, please."He says this out loud and immediately everything stops. It seems to be working, so I try again. "Who are these people?" I think, showing him pictures of their faces, keeping my hand on the boy's neck. He smiles, and starts to talk. "I'm Jacob," he says, grinning. He points to each person in turn, saying, "Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett."

I store these names in my head so I remember them and reach for Edward. He takes me immediately, and I place my hand on his neck and think "Dad?" and he beams at me, his smile slightly crooked, and whispers, "yes."

Keeping my hand on his neck, I think, "Where's mummy?" and show him the only picture I have of her, her rough looking on the bed upstairs. He winces at the picture, and forces a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Upstairs." He doesn't elaborate, as I would of expected, and Carlisle says gently, "she'll be fine, Edward. Do you want to check upon her? Come, let's go."

Edward looks at Jacob, wondering if he can trust him to hold me. But he never needs to make the decision, because Rosalie darts forwards and takes me, before glaring at Jacob. I don't like this so I place my hand on her neck and think sharply, "Don't do that do Jacob." Edward reacts as if he heard me, and Rosalie stiffens. Jacob guesses what I've said and grins.

"Edward, let's go," Carlisle says urgently. "I hear something." Without another word, Edward spun around and run up the stairs with amazing speed.

"Bella? Bells?" he calls. Then he turns to Carlisle and before leaving whispered "Leave them to it."

When the two men disappeared, I found I could still hear them. Hmm, interesting. I listened in intently, as did everyone else.

"Still no change?"

"None."

"There's no scent of the morphine left."

"I know."

"Bella, can you hear me? Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes? Can you squeeze my hand?"

Silence. Everybody's waiting for something. Nothing. The woman doesn't reply.

"Maybe... Carlisle, maybe I was too late." This was definitely Edward talking. His voice sounded agonized, and broke.

I couldn't listen anymore, and squirmed in Rosalie's arms.

"Guys, I think she can hear them," she says, sounding worried.

"Ya don't say?" says Jacob, more than a little sarcastically.

"Shut it, dog." Retorts Rosalie, an angry glint in her eye.

"Stop it," says Alice. "Rose, take Renesmee into the yard. No arguing. You know Bella wouldn't want this."

Rosalie grumbled a bit, something about 'Bella's not here' but she did what Alice said and went to the yard with me. I knew, without turning my head that Jacob was following us- I could smell him.

Rosalie sighed but said nothing. At first we tried to play with the birds in the tree, but they wouldn't come near Rosalie. After a few attempts, Jacob volunteered to try. Rosalie snarled at him, but Jacob took me anyway. As soon as Rosalie stepped away from them, the birds came fluttering down and we got the chance to play with them. Every time Rosalie came closer, they would flutter away. Jacob, of course, found this hilarious until I bit him. _Then _he shut up, and Rosalie laughed, a laugh like tinkling bells. A laugh like ice. I snuggled into Jacob so he knew I wasn't mad at him, and he grinned at me, even if the grin was wary and a little saddened. Oops.


	3. Chapter 3

Mhmm, this feels nice. Rosalie is gently brushing my hair, one lock at a time, careful not to harm me. She's growing on me, this Rosalie, but I feel much more love for my other aunt, Alice. Alice is so graceful, so happy, and perky even. I'm drawn to her rather than Rosalie's random moods and intolerable temper. She seems to be the only one hoping mum doesn't wake up, and pouts whenever I express my desire to see her, my impatience even. She seems to want me to love her, and only her, and she spends her time thinking of ways to get me as far away from Jacob as possible, though that never works of course. Jacob always holds me, and he loves me.

Rosalie brushes my hair for ages, until Carlisle wanders over and whispers "Have you noticed?"

Rosalie looks up, perturbed by the interruption and narrows her eyes. "Noticed what?" she said blandly.

"She's growing, Rose. Practically before our very eyes."

"Yeah, well, babies grow."

"You know that is not what I mean... I want to check. Pass her to me."

"No. Ask me first- as her mother I-"

"You're not her mother! Never forget this. Bella will be revived soon, and let you hope I don't tell her about what you are doing!"

Rosalie looks shaken by his outburst, and brokenly whispers, "But I went through all that... I thought..."

"No, Rose. I know what happened to you caused you a great deal of pain, but you must accept that Renesmee belongs to another, okay? Pass her to me, please, before Edward comes over." The man speaks gently, and Rosalie hands me over. The man whips out a tape measure that he must have had ready to use, and he quickly measures me. "It is how I thought," he says. "Renesmee grows at an alarming rate. I must call the others."

I sighed gently. Here we go again. I touched this mans neck and showed him the scene that just took place, only I showed it as question. He smiled warmly at me, and began to speak.

"You are different," Carlisle smiles. "And more special than the rest of us put together. You see, Renesmee, your mother was a human. And your father is a vampire. Somehow, they managed to conceive you- against all the odds. Your mother carried you in her womb, and stayed strong when it seemed sure she would die. She loved you, Renesmee, and she let you live. But there seems to be one difference between us- vampires don't age, and yet you are growing before our very eyes. I won't lie to you- we have no idea if or when you will stop aging, and that worries us. You are barely a day old, and already you have the body and mind of a child months your senior. Your hair growth is accelerated. We honestly have no idea what will happen."

I nodded. Touching his neck again, I showed him a picture of mum. Once again, I said it as a question. Immediately the smile drained from his eyes and he looked weary.

"Like I said, Renesmee, I don't want to lie to you. I try to be optimistic, but we don't know the full extent of damages your mother has suffered, and we have no idea if the change will take place- the change being the turning of your mother into a vampire. We can hear her heart- but she never moves, never tries to tell us she's here with us or not. We think..." he stopped, hesitating.

I waited patiently. He speaks again, just a few quick words. "We think you might have killed her."

I don't visibly react, but in truth inside I am shaking. "I'm so sorry," he says, and then he leaves. Rosalie appears from nowhere and cradles me. "I've told the others not to disturb us and-" Jacob zooms in. "Blasted mutt!" Rosalie snarls at him, but he ignores her.

"Nessie!" he runs towards me. "Are you okay? Come here, come."

He grabs me and gazes at me. "Carlisle didn't mean it. You didn't kill Bells... strong as old boots, that one. Ignore him. It's okay, it'll be alright."

"She might as well know." Rosalie's voice was low and quick, and I heard the pain in her voice. Maybe she did love Bella more than she was letting on.

A sob clear in her throat, she said "We don't know if she'll wake up. I feel so bad that..."

Jacob interrupted swiftly. "We'll deal with this when Bella wakes up," he said firmly, as if her death was out of the question. He turns back to me, worries still in his voice, and says urgently, "Carlisle says she grows. Fast. Is this true?"

Rosalie shrugs as if it doesn't matter and turns to leave the room.

"Wait!" Jacob calls after her. "Please!"

Rosalie turns to him with contempt and says venomously, "Go to hell, dog. Check yourself." She strides out the room, and silence commences.

Nervously Jacob took out a measuring tape from the cupboard (obviously he knew his way around) and shakily measured me. He started to shake, and he held me away from him. "No," he whispered. "No!" he shakes for a little bit, and I realise he's sobbing silently, and then he cradles me close and says no more.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, it seemed something was happening, but they wouldn't tell me anything about it. Well, the vampires wouldn't. Things were always different with Jacob. He told me, after much persuading on my part that they thought mum might be waking up but they didn't want to get my hopes up. He begged me not to tell anyone and I gave him my word, because I'm really glad he told me- I can't wait to finally properly meet mum. I also heard the hesitation in his voice, but didn't say anything. I knew there was something not even Jacob could tell me, and I was right.

I could tell something was wrong by the way no-one would look me in the eye, and everyone played and entertained with me much more than usual (if possible). I'd been waiting about an hour for mum when I heard laughter coming from upstairs. Then voices- a new voice. A female, bell like voice that sounded confused; like me to be honest. I knew it was to do with mum- but didn't understand why Emmet, Jasper, Alice and Carlisle were all up there, talking in hushed whispers. I listened in, and almost jumped when the new woman's voice spoke my name. Finally, was my first thought. What the hell? Was my second. I could tell they were not going to bring this lady straight away, and it had something to with hunting. Hunting- I knew all about that, even if I hadn't done it yet. I loved the taste of blood, but Carlisle was always trying to get me to drink formula- yucky, it tasted like dirt. Why did this lady have to hunt before seeing me? I did find out, and the answer confused me even more.

It was almost 2 hours before I finally met my mum, and it wasn't the reunion I had imagined. This was due to the fact that Jasper kept hovering over the two of us, and Jacob kept frowning. I probably could have dealt with all that, but then mum realised that Jacob and I had imprinted. Needless to say, she went mad. At first it wasn't so bad, but Jacob put in the final screw by calling me Nessie. "You named my daughter after the lochness monster?" she screeched at him before lunging for his throat. Everything went mad- people were screaming, shouting, pulling mum away. Finally, the anger drained out of her- when she smashed in Jacob's friend Seth's collar bone. I showed her the scene in my mind, from my angle, and I think she understood that throughout I was focused on Jacob. I didn't want him to be hurt. She scowled and turned in to hug dad, who was frowning at Jacob, but at the same time seeming pleased that mum had had this reaction. That was weird. Huh.

Afterward, mum carried on carrying me and directing apologies at Seth every few seconds. Dad never let her finish, and Seth didn't seem mad. He was oddly cheerful, considering he was sitting next to the person who had injured him. Though to be fair, he was looking loads better. That was one thing about the wolves- they healed fast. Seth fidgeted uncomfortably, and mum muttered another apology, before dad could stop her. Seth grinned, and said something about 'at least she didn't bite him' and how that would have sucked. Mum flinched, and Seth laughed good naturedly and said "lucky Renesmee isn't venomous. She bites Jacob all the time."

I wasn't happy to see the smile go across mum's face, one that was quickly camouflaged by guilt. "Really?" she says the pleasure in her voice only noticeable to me. To be honest, I didn't get really angry. I loved mum, more than dad, even more than Jacob, and I could forgive her anything. I snuggled into her and fell asleep, dreaming about Jacob's and her and dad's faces, and to be fair her face came up more than anyone's- apart from Jacob's. You know, I was really starting to think I loved Jacob.


	5. Chapter 5

And as time went on, I realised why. Jacob seemed to spend his entire time protecting me, and was so sweet. I always knew he would do anything for me, and he proved this by planning to escape with me when people wanted to kill me.

Mum always says I shouldn't always talk about things like that though, that I should focus on better things. But I'll mention it quickly. About two months ago, people started acting strange- which was how I knew something was up.

Then Alice and Jasper disappeared, and everyone panicked because we didn't know where they were. Mum did as much crying as someone could do without actually dropping tears and Dad's face was cleared entirely of emotion apart from a tinge of confusion and hurt.

Then, to top it all off, half the family disappeared on a 'trip' and only mum, dad, Jacob and I were left behind. Jacob told me quietly that visitors were coming, but he tried to make it seem as if they would all like me- until mum frowned at him and told me that actually, we had no way of telling how they would react. Especially the first group.

Before they arrived, dad told me that they were the family's closest friends, and that while they would do anything for the Cullen's, they were two minor problems. The first was that the wolves had killed Irina's mate, and Irina was part of the family. That wouldn't have been so bad if the Cullen family hadn't refused to hurt the wolves and had even befriended them. Irina hated us now.

But the problem we had that was slightly worse than that, and I don't say that lightly, was that the two remaining sisters in the pack of now four had had a vampire mother who had bitten a baby boy (disgusting, I know). And obviously, I'm not the only person who had that view. Vampire babies (ones that had been bitten, not ones like me) were illegal in the vampire world because a few hundred years ago, the babies were extremely out of control.

Because the vampires don't age, the babies had the same understanding and learning capability of the age they were bitten at, and for that reason, they couldn't be taught how to be discreet. Every single immortal child and its maker were murdered.

And because the packs mother had made such a child (why, they still have no idea, after hundreds of years) she was sentenced to death along with the child. Tanya and Kate had to watch their baby brother and mother burn alive.

The only reason they were not murdered too is because they had not known about the child. For that reason, they abide the law in a way that's almost obsessive. So, when seeing me for the first time... they were going to think I was an illegal. No-one could tell how they would react. I may have even been in danger.


	6. Chapter 6

When they first arrived, I was of course, nervous out of my mind. Jacob was allowed to hold me while mum and dad spoke to the guests, and I could feel him shaking as he held me. And they weren't shakes of anger, a sign he was transforming into a wolf... they were shakes of terror.

He held me even tighter than usual, as if that would stop me from getting hurt. After a bit, mum had come to tell us to come in, and as we stepped in the guests gasped at the same time. The obvious leader, a strawberry blonde, who had been staring at dad with blatant adoration and interest, was now standing there with horror on her face.

A woman next to her, with straight blonde hair was there with a similar expression on her face. Their reactions told me that these were the two who had lost their mother. The other two, a man and a woman, had slightly olive expressions and dark hair, looked shocked too, but theirs was a watered down version of the torture the other too were suffering. Edward was trying to calm things down, and the strawberry blonde lost her rag and actually shouted at dad. I kept a growl back, seeing mum do the same.

Everybody was shouting, showing no signs of stopping when I noticed the dark female staring at me. Warily, she took a step towards me and look taken back when I grinned at her. I grabbed her neck with the alarming speed I realised I had when I first starting walking and talking (too early, in my mum's opinion) and felt the surprise on her face slowly change from alarm to a pleasant look.

The dark man had stepped forward, but she whispered, transfixed, that I meant her no harm. The man reluctantly stepped away, still looking wary. I was showing the woman all about me, using my 'gift' of showing pictures from my mind, and she was watching with avid interest.

When I finished, she stepped back, looking wowed. Next was the man's turn. He hissed with terror when I first showed him things, but the woman reassured him I was fine, and he listened with surprise, and when they both stepped back we all knew they were on my side. Tanya and Kate then listened to my story, and I knew they were on board.

Loads of guests arrived after that, and I used my special gift to tell them what was going on, and they all agreed to stay and help.

Everybody came back after that, and mum managed to persuade dad to teach her to fight (how the hell she did that I have no idea, he's so obsessed with protecting her) and we met two guests who arrived uninvited and got them on board. I made the effort to speak to them out loud as they refused to touch me. They were on board. What for, I didn't know, but I knew it was big.

As expected, dad couldn't teach mum to fight. I think they managed 3 minutes before he refused to do it- mum had jumped him and felled him instantly- he hadn't even tried. He said he couldn't do it because he couldn't stand to look at her as a target, and told her to get someone else. I thought it was sweet, but it pissed mum off. She got an African vampire to help her instead, a woman who had taken to me immediately. The woman taught her to fight, but to be honest I think she petrified mum. Kate wandered up after a few days, and asked mum if she could project her talent. Mum, of course, took the challenge immediately, and tried to protect others as well as her self. No one else would help her (Kate was amazing at giving electric shocks) apart from dad, who was delighted that mum was doing something that wouldn't hurt her, and volunteered to be the target. Mum spent hours trying to protect dad while Kate gave him high voltage shocks, and he spent his hours wincing as mum couldn't stop them. I thought it was funny, but didn't laugh out of support for dad. Mum eventually started to get it, but it didn't always work. One day, she said she couldn't do it. Kate retorted that she didn't have enough motivation and mum was shocked- wasn't watching her husband get attacked motivation enough? - So she came towards me and threatened to shock me with a big smirk on her face. Mum went mental, snarling, and dad warned Kate that mum WAS still a new born and to back off, and she almost did but I said, that well, I want to help, and mum snarled NO. Kate did it anyway, high voltage, and mum used her anger to make her gift project and it didn't hurt.

After, mum was gasping with panic, and told Kate that no way would she continue with the lessons, when the African woman came up with the idea that she would use her gift, so that until mum could protect us both, all dad and I would see were pictures that she would make us imagine we were. Mum was more pleased with this idea, and she agreed to let Zafrina use her gift to help. Kate tried to argue that that wouldn't be enough motivation, but we tried anyway. It had surprising results.


	7. Chapter 7

I said surprising because mum managed to protect other 15 people that were present at the time from seeing Zafrina's pictures though it made her extremely tired. Everyone was so proud of her, and she beamed at the attention (she always pretends she hates attention but she loves it when people praise her, because she never used to have any) and tried about a hundred times again. All I can say is, thank GOD mum had her talent, or we'd all of died.

I soon found out what they were preparing for. It seemed that some people called the volturi, or something like that, wanted to kill me. Apparently Tanya and Kate's sister Irina had seen me with Jacob, and mistook me for an immortal. To add insult to injury, I was playing with the very man who killed her mate. For that reason she didn't exactly warm to me, and ran off to tell the volturi that the Cullen's were being illegal. If we couldn't protect ourselves, we were all going to die.

So dad had gathered all his friends to protect me... if all failed, it would all be my fault if they died.

"Don't ever think that," said my mum quietly but firmly. "I fought for you with my last breath, and it was your dad and I who made you. Never think otherwise. All these people are here by choice- no one forced them to protect you. They all know the risk, and yet they stay."

"Bella is right," quipped Jacob. "How could someone not want to protect you?" he leant in and kissed me softly on the forehead, something he's been doing a lot lately. "Love you." He whispered. Mum shook her head, but said nothing.

That night, she let Jacob sleep in my room. He sat on the chair in my room and stared at me all night.

A month later, and it all kicked off. We travelled to this huge meadow, and these people, loads of them, arrived. They negotiated for a bit, while I sat on Jacob's back and he shook. It didn't seem to be going very well, until mum waved forward Jacob and Emmett, and we all ambled across. Mum grabbed me, and pulled me close. Then she held me out so the dark haired vampire in front of me could read my mind. He seemed to fall under my spell, and then said that he didn't want to kill me but he didn't know how I'd be in the future. He sighed, and seemed genuinely upset, but I knew he wanted us to die.

We were all ready to fight. We had a valid reason- the blonde haired vamp killed Irina. Kate had tried to pounce for that, but we all held her back. She snarled and shocked us like crazy, actually making Uncle Emmett fall to his knees and Rosalie to try and kick her. I knew as we all did, that the blonde vampire just wanted to anger us so we would fight.

I knew it was over. I knew we had lost. And it certainly seemed that way, until a familiar figure ran into the mess, right behind her Jasper, and 3 strangers.


	8. Chapter 8

"Alice!"

"ALICE!"

"Alice??"

I was so confused. Alice? Jasper? 3 Africans? What the hell? The 3 Africans were soon introduced. One was Zafrina's sister, and she joined her, and the other two were a normal vampire and- someone like me. He was a man, amazingly beautiful, and a slightly slower runner than the rest. His eyes searched until he found me, and he didn't look away. Jacob tensed beside me, as if sensing that the guy was looking at me.

His name was Nahuel. The vampire with his was his biological aunt, and he had turned her. She seemed very shy and didn't speak often, apart from when she told her story. Nahuels father had been his mother's lover, and a vampire. He had deliberately got her pregnant, and then disappeared. His mother wouldn't let anyone kill her baby, kind of like my mum, and died giving birth to him. She had made her sister promise to look after Nahuel, and she had kept that promise. Alice had brought the two to prove that people like me could be tamed.

And just like that, like the bullying cowards they were, the volturi backtracked. They were gone.

But all that was ages ago. It's just a distant memory in my life, not something I tend to focus on. My life is now- with all my family, and that's all that counts.


	9. Chapter 9

Yesterday, Jacob came around and we watched a movie. The movie was called underworld, and was all about some vampire who falls in love with a werewolf. Mum shifted uncomfortably, and dad frowned. It was so weird; I had to know what was going on. I made an effort to speak out loud- "What's up?"

Immediately everyone shared glances, obviously deciding whether or not to answer me. "I said, what's up?" I repeated. They so weren't getting away with this one.

Dad snapped. "It's not really a movie we should be watching, is it?" he growled.

"What, because it's a fifteen? Don't be stupid, I'm not a baby."

"That's my point! You are!"

"I'm sorry, Edward," said Jacob apologetically. Somehow we all knew he wasn't just talking about bringing over a high rated film over.

"Yeah, well," muttered dad. It sounded like he added 'so you should be' but he said it so quietly we could barely hear it.

"Well let's not ruin the night, shall we?" soothed Carlisle, always the peace maker. "Jasper?"

On cue, we all felt calm- argh; I hated it when Jasper did that. Made it impossible to be mad, even when you knew what he was doing. I promised myself this conversation was not over.

"This is not over," I mumbled.


	10. Chapter 10

I started school yesterday, and couldn't believe how easy it was. I was easily smarter than the rest of my class, and it showed. Just sitting there while they tried to catch up was so boring that I spent most of the time wistfully wishing I was with Jacob instead. At 2, and appearing to be 15, I was well ahead.

The second I got home (Jacob picked me up) I went straight to Carlisle and told him that there was no way I was going back, and he agreed that I could get home schooled along with Jacob. (I didn't mention that I was probably in front of him as well.)

I wasn't the only one who had problems at school- mum couldn't stand it either. She spent around three hours explaining to dad that she hated it, and he argued that she hadn't even started repeating her life yet; if she couldn't handle one time why become a vampire in the first place?

I'd never seen mum and dad argue like this before- you could almost see the cracks in their relationship when they had this conversation. Dad was looking depressed- he could tell something was up, and he didn't want to lose her- but it was getting blatantly obvious that with all their worry about me they were not focusing on their own relationship. I wasn't having that- so of course, I intervened.

"What do you need, Ness?" my mum smiled forcedly, cradling me close while dad sat next to her, his arm placed awkwardly around her neck.

They exchanged looks.

"Well?" I said firmly.

Mum was no good at lying, and it showed when she said "nothing."

"You can't lie mum, and we both know it. What are you two up to?"

Dad flinched.

"Is there... something you're not telling me? There is! I can tell! I'm sick of all these lies. Why can't you just tell me things for once? Why all the secrets?"

"Alright. No, Edward, it's ok. I'll tell her."

Panic and nerves surged in my stomach. ""What?" I whispered. "What is it?"


	11. Chapter 11

Oh god. Oh GOD. Mum told me everything- everything. It's tearing me apart- and I have no idea why. Knowing that before her and dad got married she cheated with Jacob makes me want to spew, to curl up in a ball and never move again. It feels like someone just tore out my heart and threw it away. It feels like hell.

I didn't speak to anyone for the entire day. Nobody knew why, and I wasn't going to tell them. Eventually Jacob came into my room and tried to speak to me.

"Ness?" he said.

I ignored him.

"Ness, what's up?"

I ignored him.

"Ness, talk to me."

I ignored him.

"Ness!" he finally said.

I looked up at him, hurt in my eyes, and he winced. "She told you," he said softly, almost to himself.

"Yeah she told me!" I almost screamed. I didn't even understand why I was so mad- it wasn't as if he belonged to me. All I knew was that there was this big gaping hole where my heart should be, as if it had been torn out.

Jacob didn't say anything for a while. Then he looked at me and said, "I would have told you," he said carefully.

"When?" I snapped.

"When the time was right..." he tried to say.

"You know what; I'm not even sure why I care. It's not as if you belong to me or anything. But that doesn't explain... my heart, Jake. My heart. It feels like you've ripped it out."

He winced again, and tried to hold me. I slapped him away. "Go!" I shouted. "You're hurting me... again."

I'd never felt this way before. I'd always been sheltered from badness, and now it felt like I was experiencing it all at once. Even when my life had been in danger, they all protected my feelings. But this- this was like no other pain I'd ever felt in my life. It was tearing me apart, and I couldn't even understand why. Jake was my best friend, everything to me.

"I'm sorry. I was going to tell you. I swear. But it's not like what we have... it never was. She was my best mate, and I loved her. More than I should of, yes, but I couldn't help that. Yes, we kissed. Yes, that was it. Yes, I feel closer to you than I ever was to her. Please. I'm not asking you to forgive me... just understand."

I looked up at him, and held my arms out. Gratefully, he cuddled close and I could feel him crying. "Don't ever do this to me again," I warned. I could her him murmuring 'sorry' over and over again into my shoulder.

I may have forgiven, but I most certainly hadn't forgotten.


	12. Chapter 12

Jacob told me how he'd started falling in love with mum. He hadn't wanted to tell me- he said some things were better forgotten. But I wanted to know- I needed to know everything so I could start forgetting. When secrets start coming out after you think you've solved something, it makes things a whole lot worse. Its better I find out in one dose than little ones from people who think I know.

"We met when we were little kids. We used to make mud pies, back when she first lived in Forks with her mom and Charlie. When Charlie and her mom split up, she moved away from Forks and I only saw her on the rare visits she permitted her dad every winter.

So when Charlie told me she was moving in, Billy and I were thrilled. It brought my dad and hers back together, because they'd fallen out because of something Billy said about the Cullen's." He chuckled. "It also relighted the crush I had on her."

Distantly, I wondered what Billy had said about my family. As though I'd spoken the question aloud, Jacob answered it. "He said it was disgusting how they'd come back, and how he planned to run the leeches out. Of course, the name meant nothing to Charlie at the time, so he took it wrongly. Bella coming back improved their speaking terms no end."

"How long?"

"Before what?"

He was stalling, I could tell.

"Before you made your move."

He tensed. "That didn't happen for a year, Ness. Do you want the middle?"

I nodded.

"We started going over to their house. Mainly because Charlie had a flat screen, partly because Dad knew I wanted to see Bells. It wasn't long before Bella regarded me as a random friend. I don't know when she met your father, but..."

"She told me that story."

"Okay. So you know that. Bella came to La Push around a month after she moved in. I happened to be passing by with Sam and Embry."

"You hanged with Sam before you were a wolf?"

"No, not really. That's a different tale, though. Anyway, I saw Bella and we all ambled across to say hi. Embry had been dying to finally meet the girl I'd been talking about."

That hurt.

"I told Bella some tales. Of course, at the time I didn't know she was involved with Edward. I also didn't believe them, like I do now. I told Bella that the Cullen's were vampires."

It was all coming together now. Mom had told me how she found out.

"So you thought you still had a chance..."

"Hell, yeah. Bella flirted with me to get the information. It was like giving a dog a bone." Jacob laughed bitterly. "Like I said, I didn't know about her and Edward until I saw him drop her home. That hurt. I sort of faded into the background... waiting my chance."

"When?" my voice cracked. I knew it was coming now. I'd knew it would feel weird; I had some strange feelings for Jake. But I didn't know it would be this hard, watching and listening to Jacob reliving the past.

"When Edward left, after Bella's disastrous birthday party. I knew it would happen- hanging around with leeches- it just didn't work out so good for the human. Secretly, I suppose I was glad he'd disappeared. I mean, at first, anyway. But I soon realised he was like a drug to her. She couldn't function without him. I suppose I hoped I could be the one to heal her."

Jacob paused for a second. He seemed to be deliberating whether to carry on. "Well, it kind of worked. I put a smile on her face- helped made her refrain from holding herself together as if she were one part of a whole. I had a game plan. I was going to be her bestest friend."

But dad had come back so...?

"Bella wanted to learn to ride a bike. I didn't know that she was hallucinating images and sounds of your dad, and I certainly was unaware that adrenalin and danger brought it on. I fixed the bikes with her. It was when she tried to hike with me to find her meadow that I knew I was in love with her.

I did everything she asked. Everything was going accordingly; we even went to the movies. But that was the last normal date I had with her. I knew something was up with me- I could feel myself changing. I put it down to flu, at first. Then dad asked me something, and I flared up. I almost tore ripped his face off- my own dad!

That was when I first phased. Usually, it takes weeks for a new wolf to calm down enough to change to human wolf. It took Sam about four. But I was back in three days.

In those three days, my relationship with Bella changed drastically."

I nodded. "Tell me."

"I was warned to stay away. I didn't want to hurt her... you know about Sam and Emily, right?" he waited until I said yes slowly. "I didn't want to do that. I'd made a promise never to hurt her. I didn't abandon her- I ran around her front porch every night. Just making sure she was safe.

I didn't know how hard it would be to stay away. When she drove up to my house in her clunking van and waited for me, I knew it was bad. I'd just been out running with the boys, and was feeling exhilarated. When I saw her there, it was like having a bucket of freezing water chucked into my face. I told her to leave, and to never come back.

Contradicting that, I jumped into her window that night. I tried to tell her without actually saying what had happened to me. I figured if she guessed, I wouldn't have disobeyed orders. I was sick of being apart from her- I knew she could keep a secret already. So I reminded her of all the stories I'd told her the year before; and told her to contact me the next morning. She didn't understand at first- she thought she'd just accept- but I knew.

When I saw her on the beach the next day, I knew it was bad. I told her I'd rather she'd just phoned. I was hurting enough as it was. She told me she knew I was a wolf- a monster, she said. I called her hypocritical. I mean, she ran around the vampires. It turned out she thought I was a killer- ha! After that, it was all okay.

I mean, there was a bust up with the guys when they found out she knew, but it all settled down. Bells fitted right in with the wolves and their girls. In fact, everything was pretty perfect... until the cliff."

"I know about that. Alice came back."

"Yeah. Al came back."

I loved the little nickname he had for Alice- and that he was comfortable enough with her to use it. Just yesterday, he called aunty Rosalie Rose. He calls Jasper Jazz, and Emmett Em. Once, called dad Eddie.

"It disrupted everything. There was that trip to Italy... and the stakes were turned, no pun intended. Edward was back, with Bella by his side. I figured as much. That was why I didn't want her to go. I knew that in a month or so, I could have made her happy. She'd of been settling for second best with me, but I'd be getting number one."

"I don't see how the fling happened."

"I forced her, the first time. Kissed her against her will. I knew she wasn't strong enough to fight me off, and I took her weak shoves for approval. She smacked me in the face when I finished, and broke her hand. She even said it wasn't better than kissing a rock.

Edward threatened that he'd break my jaw for real if I ever laid a finger on her if she wasn't willing. Obviously, I thought of ways around that.

It was when Victoria came back- the big fight, you know? I blackmailed Bella. I told her I'd kill myself if she didn't give me a kiss. She fell for it. I wasn't going to do it.

I expected Edward to be mad- counted on it, actually. When he forgave her, my world fell down. I got attacked by a newborn in my despair, and ended up crushed.

Bella visited me. She told me she was in love with me. That was what I wanted. For her to at least admit, or realise she loved me. I thought I'd have the chance.

But she said no. She said she knew who she couldn't live without, and it wasn't me. She said she'd suffer along with me, but she wanted to be happy. She also told me I'd find the right girl- and mentioned she'd be jealous and not think her worthy- which is funny considering.

I battled until the end, Ness. Until she got married. I even tried to get her to abort you- I offered to be a sperm donor. And when you arrived... that was it. Any love for Bells was forgotten the second I looked into your eyes."

I was shaking. Physically shaking. I couldn't speak. My throat was so dry it felt like the thirst burn. I swallowed loudly, trying to get moisture and saliva to say something, anything.

When I choked the words out, it wasn't the ones I'd been thinking of. No, they were- "Get the fuck out of my room, and out of my fucking life, you dick."

I surprised myself, actually. I didn't even know I could utter those words. But it was like mom had always said- it was my choice, in the end, what happened with Jake and I.

And I was choosing full disclosure.


	13. Chapter 13

"Talk to him."

"NO."

My new found bitterness was almost refreshing. Every time somebody mentioned Jacob's name, my heart would shrivel like an off apple. So I had a solution. Be a bitch. Surprisingly, it worked.

"You're being a bit unfair, now." Alice was getting impatient now.

"I'm not being unfair. He was. He planned to kill me."

"He was under a lot of stress..."

"Don't you dare try to defend or excuse him!"

"This is so unlike you. I always told Bella, shielding you would only eventually make things worse. Not that I actually knew, considering I can't see you. Which is still really annoying, by the way? But it was still a feeling."

"You're not helping."

"I'm not trying to help, Ness. I'm trying to make you understand things from..."

"If you say his point of view, I will burn you into a fire ball."

"God. You're so dramatic. You're a bit like your mother..."

"ALICE!"

I couldn't be in the same with Jacob without wanting to slap him silly. I couldn't talk to mom without wanting to cry my eyes out like a baby.

Not even Glee could cheer me up. I just wanted to curl up and die. Hey, that WAS a bit dramatic. Maybe I was more like Mom than I'd thought. It would certainly explain the attraction between...

God, my head was a mess. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Maybe I was too harsh.

Maybe I should speak to him.

Maybe... I was wrong?

"Ness!"

Jacob was sitting in his room, and it was a tip. This is a bit off the subject, but have you ever noticed how untidy a male's room is? Even dad's room is bad.

The man in question, Jacob, looked depressed at the least. His clothes looked old. His hair was scruffy, and his eyes were red.

"It hurts, loving you."

His face changed drastically when I said this. It had been sad, but now it was full of hope. "You love me?"

"God help me. Yes. I do."

"I'm so, so, sorry about..."

"Shush. I don't want to hear it. Look. You were right. Its better you told me rather than me finding out from somebody else. I just want to forget. I just want to be normal. I just want... you."

My heart was pounding. It was now or never.

I leaned forward, lips pursed, and he closed his eyes. He groaned.

"Ness, don't do this to me..."

My lips pressed against his firmly, and after a second, he kissed me back.

"Ness...marry...me..."

"Pardon?"

He kissed me again, softly. "I can't bear losing you again. Marry me."

I stared at him for a second. "Yes."

Our lips joined again, not for the last time.

For eternity.


End file.
